As Commencement Approaches

Graduation is just over two weeks away and I am having a variety of emotions surrounding this milestone.

While I sit here in Principles of Auditing, I am very excited by the notion of not coming to Normal Hall Room 105 ever, ever again.

Earlier today, while presiding over the Phi Eta Sigma meeting, I was disappointed to be leaving just as the organization was beginning to take shape and show signs of cohesiveness.

I’m extremely apprehensive about my ability to find a job after graduation and my about my ability to be successful in said job. Have I really learned what I needed to in college?

I’m incredibly overwhelmed by all the work that needs to be done in these next couple weeks: wrapping up Phi Eta Sigma business for the year (elections, service projects, and one last fundraiser), preparing the house for company, cramming in as many wok-study hours as possible (I need that money!), a presentation next week, an accounting project, oh and FINALS!!

But I’m also wicked pumped to see my homies who will be coming up to celebrate with me. =D

Earlier this week, during a sunny afternoon, I was saddened and nostalgic for the memories of hanging out on the quad or playing Frisbee in Evans Way Park. I longed for the “real college” experienced, which is kind of amusing since it was a common emotion at my previous institution that we did not go to a “real college.” Visit UMPI, WIT-ers; you’ll change your tune.

We may have scoffed at the amount of time and money spent on flowers planted around campus. We complained about Physical Plant roping off the quad when the grass was wet. But let me tell you, the greenery on that campus was far more enjoyable than the mud-rivers that the UMPI Physical Plant created today with their giant pressure sprayer today.

Which leads me to my great disappointment that my commencement will be held in an ancient, fluorescent-lit gymnasium and not outside under the sunshine. Bummer.

Oh well, hopefully the weather cooperates and we’ll be able to celebrate outside with a beer-be-que. =)

Valentines Weekend at Sunday River

So we had been planning our vacation to Sunday River for quite a few weeks before we left. I was more than excited. I felt confident and was thrilled at the idea of a run that lasted more than 30 seconds.

And then it was Thursday, the day before we left, and I was sick: Congested, headache, sour throat, coughing… the works. I stayed home from school and work that day – minus my Auditing Exam that evening – in hopes of getting rested up and well for the trip. No such luck. While Darren was drinking beers on the trip down, I was swilling ThermaFlu. Despite my head feeling like it weighed 2,000 pounds and the pressure in my sinuses feeling like they might bust open under my eyeballs, I was still optimistic about the trip. We were equipped with two-way radios to talk to Meg and Darren in the other car, iPods for tunes and GPS navigation to get us there – and we were having a pretty good time.

The first night when we got in we explored, got settled in, and rested up for the weekend ahead. We got up in the morning, bright-eyed and bushy tailed, excited for a day full of riding. We headed down to the main lodge to receive some bad news. Due to severe wind conditions only the 3 lowest lifts were running. Bummer! But we were determined to ride. So, after chowing down on a couple of $7.00 English Muffins, we took a few runs down the beginner area that was open right near the main lodge. Having only ridden the bunny slope at Big Rock thus far this season, I was feeling pretty far outside my comfort zone. The trails were nice and wide though and I took a couple runs down before deciding that the cold and wind and my head cold were all making the experience not so fun. That was pretty much the end of my riding for the day…

That night we headed out looking for a good time. Just across the road from the main lodge is a place called the Phoenix, which had a great sign out front that suggested the customers should “Peg Your Pants” for 80’s night! Yes! We had just finished watching “The Wedding Singer” back at the room, so it seemed like fate. We grabbed some drinks and settled into a corner booth. Not long after we got there, the band came out. Complete with a “Flock of Seagulls” hairstyle, leopard pants and Converse All Stars, these guys were committed to their act. They would later come out donning Devo-style flowerpot hats, and jamming with “Whip It”. A later costume change produced long beards, straw hats and the song “Legs.” These guys were so good that Mac actually grabbed their business card and is determined to have them at our wedding… I danced my ass off that night and had a great time, but I’m not sold on having them at the wedding.

The next day, Sunday, I woke up quite hung-over, but headed out with the gang to the hill anyway. We took a quick run up the lower lift and then headed for the “Chondola” which doesn’t go up to the summit, but goes much farther up than Big Rock. I was nervous, and was sticking with “being a leaf,” rather than carve but I was doing okay, until I wasn’t, and then I was so far from okay it was scary. We came down a hill and needed to turn into some flats to avoid a nearly strait down drop into double diamond moguls. I struggle with flats anyway, but these ones were really long, really icy and border another drop off. I couldn’t get going. Then when I got going I had no control. I had a melt down; full melt down. I cried, I couldn’t breath, and I just wanted to quit. Snowboarding is a tricky sport for a chick with a crippling fear of heights. By the time I made it to the bottom, my quads were burning and it was most definitely time for a coffee. After my coffee, I took the lower lift back up so that I could ride over to the condo. I was out.

I did get more riding in that night after the groomers went out, which I really enjoyed. It gave me a little more of my confidence back and made me want to ride a lot more. Unfortunately, by then the rest of my party had already beaten their bodies so badly, all they wanted to do was go to bed and get out of there the next day. I‘m really pretty disappointed in myself for not getting more out of my weekend. Before I go to a “real” mountain again, I’m training, training, training!!

So who wants to get out a ride, so I can get better?

2-Day Review

I'm not feeling creative or witty today... but for the sake of keeping up with my blog - here's a rundown of my week thus far.

Monday 6AM -Get up, shower, dress, pack books, computer, lunch, etc.

Leave the house by 7:05

Arrive at work around 7:15-7:30, and work until 11:00.

11-Noon: HR Management Class. We went to the library to find articles for our upcoming presentations.

12-2:30 Eat lunch in the student lounge and attempt to do homework. Dorks sitting behind me are far to excitable over their LARP and I can't concentrate. I get half my homework done then give up and chat with some Canadian Cert. Students.

2:30-4:00 "Business Policy and Strategy" - snoozefest. At least my group is cool.

4:00 Get a ride home with Mary. Get Brandon's hockey gear out, scarf down a quick snack, change for work and switch out books in my bag.

5:00 Mary picks me up to go to work. We're really early so we sit in the car for a while and she fills me in on some concerns she has with my dad's health.

5:40 I actually go in to work. I'm there until 9:15. I was in no mood to wait for credits to roll, so I stopped the projector to get out early.

9:30 or so - Get home. Fill coffee pot and set for 6 am. Make and pack Mac's lunch for Tuesday. Find a snack and sit down at the computer to file my tax return.

Go to bed at 11.

Tuesday 6 AM - Wake up to coffee pot starting... lay in bed for 20 more minutes. Get dressed and what not. Out the door at 7:10.

Get to work at 7:30. Everyone at work is sick. Wipe down entire office with disinfectant. Damn - Forgot to take my vitamin today.

Work until 10. Go to do homework for an hour in the Student Lounge. It was such a true American/College moment. Obama is on big screen, talking about the stimulus package, yet everyone in the room is talking about Chris Brown beating up Rihanna.

Off to "Advanced Accounting" until noon.

Mary picks me up to go to the bank. I have to get my wallet at the house first though... shit, forgot my keys. Go to get Mac's key at his office. Almost home, and Mac calls - Megan has to be picked up at school, she has a rash. I go get her to take her to Mac's office... if I get chicken pocks I'll be pissed - never had 'em as a kid.

Now finally to the house around 1:20. Not feeling well now though - I'll go to the bank tomorrow. Ate a couple pickles for lunch... yepp, that's right - pickles.

Read some HR articles and some Auditing (test on Thursday). Took some me time and watched "Guiding Light."

Then I cooked some chicken and made chicken Caesar salad. Packed that to-go. Dad picked me up and we drove to Mars Hill to pick up a car to try out.

At work by 6. Will be here until about 9:20....

ugh... feeling grumpy...

I’m very grumpy lately. It may be PMS, or it may be because I feel like I am always tired. It’s not like I don’t get sleep. I usually get about 7 hours a night, but I still never really feel rested. I’m not really sure what’s wrong with me… Either way, I feel like I’m so easily irritated by everything around me.

I’m pissed that I still don’t have a car. Seriously car dude, get it together. I have a very busy life and this is seriously hindering my ability to move through it efficiently. It seems like every time I need to change locations I lose 20 minutes out of my day. Either I’m standing around for 20 minutes waiting for my ride, or I’m so paranoid about being late (again) I have them (my mother) come early so I end up leaving 20 minutes early, cutting short time on something else.

I’m annoyed at myself. I feel as though I haven’t done any of the things I’d hoped to. I haven’t taken any pictures in weeks- So much for my 365-project. I also haven’t been back to the gym yet this semester. It is my last semester at school, so I’d kind of like to be taking advantage of their gym. I’m blaming both of these things on the fact that I still don’t have a car. I can only lug so much shit on my back. I’m already carrying schoolbooks, my laptop, my lunch and usually a dry pair of shoes and a Braden tee…

I’m really irate at my family. They just can’t get out of their own way. All of them. I’m so worried about all of them it makes me sick to think about, bur really they just all need to start helping themselves. I worry the most about my dad. He carries the entire burden of keeping the family afloat, and he is just not well enough to have that much on his shoulders… I’m so scared he’s going to drop from the stress of it all. When it happens I know that the rest of my family will crumble. They’ve all leaned so heavily on him for so many years, they won’t know what to do when he’s not there. I fear that I will resent them for it – for driving him to his grave – and for that reason I will not even try to pick up the pieces.

With all of this heavy on my mind, with every other everyday annoyance I run the risk of going completely over the edge and going postal on someone. The slightest irritation and I feel my blood pressure rise and my jaw clench; I may even be developing a twitch, idk. It could be the annoying secretary in my office, or the screaming kids in the hall, or the bratty teenage customers… but someone is going to end up receiving an excessive amount of rage and wrath from one E-ca Bloggy Blog.

Perhaps I should cut down on my caffeine intake…

Feeling Guilty

I am currently sitting in the student lounge, pretty much doing nothing. I’m feeling pretty guilty about it too. I know I have things to do: laundry, dishes, cleaning, etc. But all of those things are at home. And I am here. Stuck, still without a car.

I feel like I have grand ambitions of being highly productive. But I can never quite reach my lofty goals of the day. Like today for example, I was going to get up early, make lunch for Mac and I to take in our lunch boxes, then get off to work (after taking out the trash) by 7:05. That would leave plenty of time to stop for coffee, get dropped off and have Mac arrive on time at 7:30. The day did not quite start like that, however. The alarm went off and Mac got up and got dress, all without stirring me a bit. So I got up late, had no time for lunch or trash, and left at 10 past. Then along the way I remember that I hadn’t left the water running, so since it was 35 below, we decided we’d better turn around and turn it on. No time for coffee now. ☹

I have to work until 11:00, when I make my way across campus for class. Then, I thought, I could use my 2-hour break to hit the gym, but that would involve carting along gym clothes and shoes and toiletries. I think I’ll pass on that, at least until I have a car to stash my shit in. So then it was my idea to head back to work and get some extra hours in, until I saw the schedule and realized I’d be stuck in a very small office with three of the most annoying individuals in existence. Not to mention, I pretty much finished all of my work this morning and I would undoubtedly be assigned some tedious and bothersome task. Nope, pass again.

So I guess I’ll just chill out here until my next class, wasting time. After class I have about and hour and a half until work. Shitty part is that I can only get one ride. So straight to the theater I’ll go, just to waste more time. Perhaps I’ll take a nap on the “couch” in the office…

I'm Failing

Ok I'm totally failing at my resolutions. Thank you Elyse for reminding me. =D

So the semester has officially started. A semester, might I add, that will be the last in my undergrad!! Yepp, I petitioned to graduate earlier this week. While I'm pretty excited to be done, but it is a little nerve racking, to be honest, to know that I now have to look for a job in this wonderful economy and job market.

So we've got one week down. And from what I can tell from this one week, it is not going to be an easy semester. Not that my classes seem particularly difficult, but geezum, I am just so busy.

I haven't been to my job at UMPI since my car was taken off the road at Thanksgiving. Therefore, I have a ridiculous amount of hours to make up. They want me to work 20-25 hours a week there. Plus I usually get about 25 hours at the Theater. Full-time work, can't complain about that, except for the fact that I also have four 400-level classes.

So I plotted out my schedule and it is pretty much crammed full. I work throughout the day at UMPI, breaking for classes here and there, and then go to work at the Braden at night. I must have stared at it for 20 minutes calculated when I would have time to do things like laundry, cleaning, grocery shopping, homework... and I just don't know how I'm suppose to make it all fit. Not to mention that other lofty resolution of mine, to get in shape... When the hell am I suppose to find time to go to the gym AND have time to shower after before my next commitment? ha!

I was exhausted just thinking about it, but by the fourth day actual exhaustion set in. I was in the student lounge waiting for my mother to come pick me up, as I still do not have a car, and my phone rings. It's Rachel. We are on the executive board for Momentum Aroostook together. She has just called to ask if I have any interest in taking over the chair position on the board. I must have laughed for a good two minutes before answering, "Yeah, right! When?" She understood, but asked if I would revisit the notion in May when I graduate... hmmm, we'll see.

I managed to dodge that bullet, but not 24 hours later did I receive a visit from our lovely city planner, Jaime. He has apparently resolved the issue which I used as an excuse to stay away from the Presque Isle Downtown Revitalization Committee. And he would now like me to join. I told him I would make an effort to make it to a meeting, but I would not take on any formal positions... arg.

Oh and Holly keeps harassing me about being more active in the College Democrats... nope. Sorry, ain't hap-nin'.

In my adjustment week I have fallen off the weight-loss wagon. We'll try again next week. In the mean time though, I've put the whole family on daily vitamins. With all this schedule juggling, we could use a little immunity boost. I also purchased a bunch of take-along type food which hopefully help cut out the eating of junk and unnecessary spending.

Now I just have to get up earlier to find the time to pack that lunch...

Spending Money Makes Me Wish I Had More...

So I bit the bullet and finally ordered a pair of very functional, hopefully warm, not at all attractive, winter boots.   I think this is the first pair of winter boots that I have owned since grade school.   I also think at $100, this is the most I have spent on a single piece of clothing since making my move to The County.  

It is kind of sad.  I have chosen function over fashion.  I mean for $100 I could have gotten a pair of Lucky Jeans, or a smart trench, or been on my way to a pair of sassy leather high-healed boots, which I had originally been shopping for.  Does this make me old?  Or a shlumpadinka?  Or ::gasp::  a County Girl?  Ugh... 

So while I had my check book out and was at my computer, I decided to pay a couple bills while I was at it.  Watching my balance diminish in my registry was quite depressing.  But it certainly didn't stop me from fantasy shopping...

It really is one of my favorite pass-times. When I was younger I'd set up fake bridal registries in order to fantasy shop, until a notification showed up at my parents house, and severely confused them since I didn't even have a boyfriend at the time.  Now I like to peruse the internet for all the things I need or want but really can't afford right now.   Like a new TV, living room furniture, patio furniture, dishes etc.  Unfortunately, by the time I can afford to by things I've seen online, I usually can't find them again.  

Ohh but those boys over at google, and their infinite wisdom, knew just what I needed.   They have created a shopping wish list.  "But Erica lots of websites have wish lists," you say.  And you would be correct, except that google keeps a wish list across several different websites in one convenient location.  And it is easily shared!  For instance, say my b'day is around the corner and my folks are wondering what to get, they can just put my email address in and pull up my wish list.  And voila! All the things I've been looking at right there. 

I <3 Internet.

How did I get here?

I've always been a naturally smaller person.  There were times in my life (long ago) when I was told I was "too skinny,"  but I never believed it.  Because no matter what the scale said or what jean size I was in, I was always self conscience.  It has always been the same thing.  My stomach and my legs.  

But then as I got older, and as I made other changes in my life, the problems got more wide spread.  It started when I got my first "desk job" in Boston.  I wasn't running around at work as much and I put on 5 pounds.  My close were a little snug, but still fit.  No biggy.   Then I moved to the suburbs.  I started driving to work instead of walking and taking the T.  I put on 5 more pounds.  I started wearing control top panty hose and unbuttoning my blazer when I sat down. 

OK now it had my attention.  I stopped eating bagels for breakfast and switched to regular coffee instead of my daily non-fat caramel macchiato.  I ate only salads in the employee cafeteria and weighed my self regularly in the locker room.  But the weight never went back down.  

And then came the big move.  I moved back to Aroostook County in August 2006.  I was back in college and without a kitchen.  I ate fast food nearly every meal.  By the beginning of 2007 I had put on another 20 pounds.   With my new wardrobe of t-shirts and jeans, I barely noticed that those cute little suits wouldn't even go over my growing rear anymore.   It wasn't until I busted a seam out of my beloved Lucky Brand Jeans, that it hit me.  And man, did it ever smack me a good one.  

I stocked up on hoodies and hid under my clothes.  I tried diet after diet.  I threw myself into going to the gym.  But the motivation just never lasts.  I fall off the wagon over and over again.  Each time landing a little harder.  

So what is going to make this time different?  Well, this time, I feel like I have a head start.  I made two simple changes in my life last year.  I quit drinking soda and cut way back on my fast food consumption.  I knew it was something that I needed to do.  I did not expect the results I got though.  I've lost 12 pounds already!!  

So now it's all about keeping the momentum going... 

Wednesday Weigh-In:  128, 32, 22

Let the Journey Begin

I've always been one of those people who wants to keep a diary, to keep record of all my travels, and trials, my successes and failures.  I wanted to be able to look back on it when I'm older and remember things otherwise lost from my memory.  It has been my New Years resolution several times over to keep up on it.  And each year I fail.  Miserably.  

So it is a new year.  Same old resolution.   I'm giving it another go.  Only this year I'm going to pair it with another warn-out old resolution.  You know the one.  The one we all have every year. We tell ourselves, "This year will be the year.  This year I will get in shape."

So here is my thought.  First of all, I usually end up giving up on the diary/blog whatever because I have nothing to write about.  Now I've given myself a subject.  Also, by putting myself out there (here) and writing about my attempts at getting fit, perhaps I will embarrass myself into keeping up with it.  Perhaps the guilt and judgement from you all will be enough motivation to keep me going.  We shall see.  

My plan is to write about my various methods of diet and exercise and regular status updates on the progress.  This may also include the occasional rant on the emotional repercussions.  

I am committing myself to total honesty.  If I include what I ate that day, I'll include it all.  Every last cheating morsel.  If I include a photo, I will not edit.  

And so it begins... tomorrow.