ugh... feeling grumpy...

I’m very grumpy lately. It may be PMS, or it may be because I feel like I am always tired. It’s not like I don’t get sleep. I usually get about 7 hours a night, but I still never really feel rested. I’m not really sure what’s wrong with me… Either way, I feel like I’m so easily irritated by everything around me.

I’m pissed that I still don’t have a car. Seriously car dude, get it together. I have a very busy life and this is seriously hindering my ability to move through it efficiently. It seems like every time I need to change locations I lose 20 minutes out of my day. Either I’m standing around for 20 minutes waiting for my ride, or I’m so paranoid about being late (again) I have them (my mother) come early so I end up leaving 20 minutes early, cutting short time on something else.

I’m annoyed at myself. I feel as though I haven’t done any of the things I’d hoped to. I haven’t taken any pictures in weeks- So much for my 365-project. I also haven’t been back to the gym yet this semester. It is my last semester at school, so I’d kind of like to be taking advantage of their gym. I’m blaming both of these things on the fact that I still don’t have a car. I can only lug so much shit on my back. I’m already carrying schoolbooks, my laptop, my lunch and usually a dry pair of shoes and a Braden tee…

I’m really irate at my family. They just can’t get out of their own way. All of them. I’m so worried about all of them it makes me sick to think about, bur really they just all need to start helping themselves. I worry the most about my dad. He carries the entire burden of keeping the family afloat, and he is just not well enough to have that much on his shoulders… I’m so scared he’s going to drop from the stress of it all. When it happens I know that the rest of my family will crumble. They’ve all leaned so heavily on him for so many years, they won’t know what to do when he’s not there. I fear that I will resent them for it – for driving him to his grave – and for that reason I will not even try to pick up the pieces.

With all of this heavy on my mind, with every other everyday annoyance I run the risk of going completely over the edge and going postal on someone. The slightest irritation and I feel my blood pressure rise and my jaw clench; I may even be developing a twitch, idk. It could be the annoying secretary in my office, or the screaming kids in the hall, or the bratty teenage customers… but someone is going to end up receiving an excessive amount of rage and wrath from one E-ca Bloggy Blog.

Perhaps I should cut down on my caffeine intake…